cork board

i have square foot of cork board
that i use to pin pieces of this and that.
pictures of feminists and murderers
wedding dresses and vacation spots.

there is a picture of a woman who once said, “all women are lesbian, except the ones who dont know it yet.”
and a theologian who fought every day for women to be ordained and gays to be married. she died a doctor and a devout catholic.
and the woman who stabbed her abusive husband 67 times after he punched their son in the gut. and my empathy for her oozes. and for the kids being raised by their paternal grandparents she wont see for another 20 years.

i like to pin passages. the first poetry book i cracked open was when i was 6, called “faeries and chimneys”. it said that magic and little flying naked girls were everywhere. and i read it over and over until the back broke. the next one, not til i was 15, called “cotton candy on a rainy day”. and it told me that trees cant grow in new york and to be ready…the day after i protest, for the cops to come knocking.

i like to pin pictures of pretty dresses. the framework of a future that gets so hazy sometimes i am afraid i will forget it. so i rip pages… to remind myself of color schemes, flower arrangements and places perfect for princesses. castle rooftops, enchanted forests or the inside of a medievil cathedral. my pictures escort me down my straight and narrow road. i grab the arm of another pipe dream and i smile…i always remember to smile…this is my day. just this one.

then the picture that started it all. a house in the hills. a rotunda, 3 car garage, pool and even an elevator. if that is my foundation than it explains why the rest of it is all fantasy. when i got sidetracked onto a road of delusion. if memories are made then maybe some are meant to be thrown away. sometimes you gotta start form scratch.

but i leave my murderers.
they too, know what its like to start over.
and today is a good day for letter writing.